The Ways in Which We Name Ourselves
The ways in which we name ourselves are the boundary lines we build for the boxes we live within. They are parameters which at first shape and guide us but if we do not look at them, pick them up, turn them over and examine them every once in a while, they will constrict us inside outdated ideas of who we are and what we are capable of.
A few years ago, my oldest child became interested in dance and because of them I found myself in a passionate conversation about the meaning of dance, what it’s physicality offers our whole being and how central I honestly believe it should be to everyone. Not to achieve anything or master a technique but to reconnect with a primal aspect of ourselves and to express ourselves through our bodies and our feelings rather than our logical minds. Slightly breathless from my momentary rant, pulse beating and feeling excited and alive, the man I spoke to invited me to come to a teachers day. We would dance, talk and network.
‘Oh no, no, no’, I replied, ‘that’s not a place for me, I’m just a mum, I’m not a dancer’.
And instantly I saw how I had used my words to name myself in a way that would diminish what he saw.
‘No’, he said, firmly and confidently. ‘You are a dancer. You know what dance means’.
Covid came and plans were changed but his voice and words echoed. I have been a writer my entire life, but I didn’t own that name until recently when I realised that you didn’t have to be published regularly or even at all to be a writer. Not if it was an integral part of who you were, not if you couldn’t imagine a life without time spent with pen and paper in hand.
Well perhaps dance was the same. Perhaps a childhood love didn’t have to be relegated to youthful indulgence as life swept me forward. Perhaps if something is in your soul then it is a part of you, named or not, and you are just waiting for your brain to catch up.
I named myself writer, and now I accept the name dancer too.
What does it mean to be a dancer after all or any other thing we want to have as part of our lives? Do you have to take classes for years and have a piece of paper bestowed on you by some external authority? Can you be self-taught?
I suppose to a large extent it depends on what you are using the name for. If you aspire to share your passion with others or be seen in a specific way by people around you, then yes, you’ll need permission from the outside world. But, if you want to claim a name only for yourself, to validate the feelings you’ve held and hidden away too shy or unsure to embrace them, then the only permission you need is the one you can offer yourself.
So, what are the names I claim?
Artist
Dancer
Writer
What are yours?
This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "A Name" by the brilliant Katie Fenske.