The Obsession With Comfort
In every area of life, we seek to find the sweet spot. That moment in which there is no push or pull, no resistance, just the comfort of being at peace.
More and more as I find my inner world pulled in two opposing directions, I’m starting to wonder if they are compatible at all or will I have to choose? On the one hand, I believe completely in the continual process of bettering yourself, of learning and developing as a person, but that requires not only effort but the willingness to be uncomfortable, unsatisfied, and thirsty for more.
On the other hand, I believe in letting all of that go and finding the peace of contentment, of accepting who and what we are in the current moment and expanding that moment until that is the sole force we carry around with us in our daily lives. The surrendering of achievement and the need to strive.
While peace does feel good, for me it often feels like the calm before the storm, or perhaps the eye of the storm itself, with the chaos of growth all around it. I remember even as a young child having a sense of understanding just how big the world was. Just how many different things you could be or do, and I wanted to try them all. To not do so felt like a betrayal of potential, a waste of the most precious gift of all… my time.
As a parent, we are so often caught between enjoying the smallest moments with our children, but still always having one eye distracted by the bigger truth of their lives, and all that we want to help them be ready for and experience. Perhaps this dissonance is the trouble with being human?
There is a Brene Brown quote that echoes on me frequently…
‘You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort. You cannot have both.’
Is she right? The quote is out of context but at face value, the message is one or the other, but you must choose, and that choice will hugely shape your experience. Courage will propel you forward, comfort will leave you in this moment, yet happily so.
When I look at many of the things people complain about, I can see roots in the illusion of comfort. We often consume entertainment of all kinds because it brings us comfort, we eat foods that feel comforting, and we stay in situations, be they in our careers or personal lives, that feel comfortable. There is nothing negative about these choices, until we stop making conscious decisions, and begin to hide in the ‘comfort’, using it as escapism.
We have built ourselves a world in which discomfort can be avoided easily. We don’t have to walk long distances or exert ourselves physically unless we really want to. We don’t have to spend hours cooking, cleaning, or on any manual task if we don’t want to. We can be entertained any time of the day or night and choose the reality we exist within in terms of what we are exposed to.
But what do we lose in making these choices? Gratitude is a deliberate practice now but wouldn’t it have come so easily to someone living in genuine lack who was offered an abundance of something? Would we appreciate entertainment more if we could only experience storytelling at a theatre or from traveling storytellers? I’m not saying we shouldn’t make the most of what we have created for ourselves, instead, I’m wondering if in taking it for granted we are robbing ourselves not only of appreciation for the things we love but also the motivation to push ourselves to be more. After all, innovation is rarely created without necessity.
I genuinely believe that almost everything in life works in cycles, creating balance to our existence if we let it. Courage is our out-breath, our moment of action, while comfort is the rest we require that enables us to pause and evaluate our direction, so we can keep moving towards our own personal north star.
I invite you to question your relationship with comfort. Is it an inhale before action, or have you stopped the cycle?
Are you living this way deliberately, through active choice or do you find arriving here unable to see clearly the road you travelled?
This piece was written thanks to a monthly theme from Illuminate, a writing community from The Kindred Voice.
Read more stories on confidence from the other Illuminate members.
Finding Cozy by Tracy Erler